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2007/2/28 strong article(zz...)
超强的文章, 自古那那那啥来着... 发信人: MonkeyKing (青山 - 夢裏無尋處), 信区: Jokes 2007/2/26 一个有趣的bloghttp://blog.csdn.net/g9yuayon/ 2007/2/22 life is what you live itA wise man learn from his mistake, a wiser man learn from other's mistake. Five Ways to Transform Your Partner Into Your Perfect Mate（zz)对关心你的人和你关心的人好一些，但是也许可以通过更好的方法。
Five Ways to Transform Your Partner Into Your Perfect Mate
Therapist Terrence Real's five winning strategies that will rescue even the most unsalvageable relationships. There's at least one way men and women are completely alike: Both believe that a good relationship must be spontaneous. If you have to work at it, that's proof something is wrong. For men, the ingrained belief is some variation of: "I fight dragons all day, when I come home I get to relax." For women it's commonly: "If I have to tell you [it's my birthday, it's our anniversary] it doesn't count; the perfect lover would read my mind and fulfill my every need." After helping countless couples rescue relationships that appear to be unsalvageable, family therapist Terrence Real has a different view: "You've got to duke it out with your partner and help them rise to the occasion." For him, that is the most important of the new rules of relationships. We need new rules because we desperately want a new kind of relationship. Our parents may have been content with a companionable marriage, but we want a mate who's a lifelong lover as well as a companion. Unfortunately, neither men nor women have sophisticated enough skills to deliver on the twenty-first century relationship. If we stick to doing what comes naturally, two out of four couples will divorce and one of the remaining two will stay married but miserable. "We all fall in love with people who will heal us or at least with whom we think our nastiness will be avoided," says Real. "And we all wind up with someone exquisitely designed to stick the burning spear right into our eyeballs." That's because we all marry our unfinished business. "We all marry our mothers and fathers. We all become our mothers and fathers, in part because that's the template of relationship we've internalized but also because we want to heal it. We pick people who will throw us into the old drama but whose qualities allow for a different outcome." The trouble, says Real, who heads the Relational Life Institute in Cambridge, Massachusetts, is that we think we'll be healed when we wrest from our partners what we deserved but didn't get from our parents. "The irony is that our very attempts to get this out of our partners, and our reactions when we don't, fuel our misery." When their new expectations aren't met, today's couples don't just sit quietly with their disappointment, they often resort to hurting each other, hurling themselves down a path of losing strategies:
Relationships can heal us, says Real. Not by having our partners give us what we never got but by using the relationship as a crucible in which we grow and handle our inner brat on our own. Hot couples, says Real, need cool skills. First they need to know how to handle themselves when their buttons get pushed. "There are lots of circuit-breakers for when you lose it," says Real. You can breathe deeply and take time out. "But you need to understand that 'losing it' is a choice." In his new book, The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work, Real identifies five winning strategies.
See www.thenewrulesofmarriage.com. 家一个字好难想回家想回家想了一年了，回来不了几天，扑腾着扑腾着赶着要回来，回来能怎么样，见见家人就回北京咱那小屋窝着就好了，来给人家每个人添烦，自己还不懂事，又没法让老爸老妈高兴。不大个地方，窝了这么多人，奶孩子又哭个不停，待一两天谁谁都着急上火。都二十四老大个人了，没啥啥能耐，什么情况也没能力改善，唉。
现在想也许那些牛人和那些整天沉迷游戏，麻将或者什么什么反正是着迷的事的人，可能就是不过找一种解脱，着迷一个东西，才能感觉自己似乎不属于这一切一切的烦恼，呵呵，咱也这样献身科学吧，把曾经想研究的没能研究成的东西来做自己的解脱吧。
明一天后天就回了，继续待围城外吧，也许有些东西就想着好吧。
2007/2/13 'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says最好是听听audio看看video, 某小朋友说敲不死同学声音很有磁性，比较性感, kaka... Stanford Report, June 14, 2005 'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005. I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories. The first story is about connecting the dots. I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college. And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting. It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating. None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life. During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together. I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle. My third story is about death. When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes. I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now. This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept: No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. Thank you all very much. 2007/2/10 9 Things You Can Do for Daily Stress Relief(zz)
9 Things You Can Do for Daily Stress Relief
If the stress in your life is out of control, here are some simple stress relief methods you can implement into your life to improve your day. Brighten up your home – If you are tried of the rooms in your home, have you ever considered giving them a mini makeover? Rearranging furniture, changing your décor, or giving the walls a fresh coat of paint will give you something new to look at. Redecorating allows you to focus your mind on a project separate from stressful issue, and creativity does wonders for your self-esteem. Slow down and enjoy your meals – Try not to skip or gobble down meals. This can not only lead to a serious case of indigestion, it also slows down the digestion process which can lead to other unpleasant conditions such as constipation. Take the time to sit down and enjoy regular meals during the day. Enjoy the outdoors – Make the effort to go outside and fill your lungs with fresh air. Take a nice walk and enjoy the scenery and sounds of the outside world. This is often a fantastic way to clear your mind and organize your thoughts. Breath and stretch – Take the time to stretch your body at different points during the day, and remember to breathe deeply every once in a while. This helps to release tension from your body and will keep you more alert and less irritable. Take breaks – Everyone needs breaks. Don’t skip them to get a head start on other work. Take this time to relax and do something you enjoy. Treat yourself to warm baths, a cup of hot tea or a massage. Wear comfortable clothing – Whenever you can, wear clothing that is loose fitting and soft. Wear comfortable shoes that allow your feet to move and breathe. Express and embrace your feelings – Don’t bottle up your emotions. You should experience emotions regardless if they are negative or positive. You should also express the way you feel to others, and find ways to release pent up emotions. Great methods include singing and writing. Make time for the activities you enjoy – Do you have a hobby you really enjoy (IE. reading, knitting, dancing, swimming, sports, etc.)? When you engage in activities you like, you are comfortable and happy. Take care of your body - Eat well, exercise, stay well hydrated, and be sure to get a good night sleep. Try using a combination of different stress relief methods and avoid using only one. The more ways you can implement relaxation, enjoyment and positive thinking into your lifestyle, the less stress will have a hold on your life. Vishal P. Rao runs the Work at Home Forum, an online community of those work from home. 2007/2/8 Hope"Hope" is the thing with feathers 2007/2/1 debugging in ruby(zz)Effective Debugging using Dave Thomas' "Programming Ruby"Little bastard never saw that closure coming.
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